FLOP

Chained to the mundane Monday morning routine

I gotta make my costume smell fresh and clean

Hold my head under the soapy water

But I aint got time to drown today, gotta get back to work, I got debt to pay



Acting guilty, I’m judged on the stage

A hung jury, typecast in this play

Kill me off, cut this endless scene

A hung jury, a climax unseen

A focus group watching, I state my case

A hung jury, trapped in this rat race



Please be kind, rewind the time

Rewrite this script of my life

It’s a flop, it’s a bomb, a steaming pile of shit

On a dusty shelf I’m being phased out quick



The whole world cries still for the funny man

Oh, such a dramatic end

Comedy and tragedy go hand in hand

The curtain’s waiting for the show to end

Tonight, the spotlight’s on the stagehand

With this rope will they applaud me then



I tie the knot

I tie the knot

I take a bow

I poop a lot



CHRYSALIS



They found me in a pool of blood

They found me with my pants down

They found me with a pencil and a book

They found me with a razorblade

They found me, my phone on silent

They found me in the fountain of youth

They found me with a crazy, stupid look

Bludgeoned, ridiculed, hollow, scorned



Zip me up like an astronaut

and blast me into the sky

Wrap me up, my corpse rots

like a caterpillar turned to a butterfly



Oh baby, show me mercy like you would some asshole line

Oh baby, talk to me like we were talking about shoes

Let me cut through that line before I go and cut my wrists

Gonna make such a mess



Zip me up

I’m still half alive

Put me into the oven

It’s better than being buried alive

Zip me up

I’ll die inside

Rigor mortis is a chrysalis

to spread my wings on the other side



WINTER SUN



I find myself in a fit of rage

I told myself I would not engage

At times a demon lives inside my mouth

It tortures me like a cat with a mouse

Sitting alone in a constant funk

Leaves me covered in spunk

I am broken and can’t be fixed

I’m a sadomasochist

Happiness is schtick, its fantasy

Pain is sexual novelty



Hey ho! Let’s go!

Rock out with your cock out dude



When I look in your eyes, my reflection dies

Like freezing in the winter sun

There’s tears in my eyes, your makeup is dry

Like freezing in the winter sun



Set my head on fire



Fire, I’m still smoking

Fire may make me a monster

But it also makes me a man

Not that you’d understand or choose to remember

Underneath all the ash I’m still who I used to be

Before you burned me

Doused me with gasoline



Hey ho! Let’s go!

Pull your fucking cock out bro!


BEDPAN

I’ve reached the stage of life when things fall apart

Its closer to reach the end than it is to restart

The hard beating of my heart

I’m shackled to this bed

And I pray to god that I wake up dead

But here I am again

I shit the bed again



I don’t dream anymore

These spurts of rest I get

I don’t dream anymore

Liquor and benzos help me forget

What I have done

What have I done?



I can’t move

I’m paralyzed

The mattress is collapsing on one side

The sign of the cross every night

Every morning I dread the light

I want to die

Pry myself out of this bed and do this pointless shit over again



Mocked like a martyr

Laughed at like a clown

Scoffed at like a junkie

Grown out of like a wedding gown

Roll my lazy ass onto the floor



INFANTILE

Never finished my degree

I study depression in a factory

On a playground sliding down

A conveyor belt to hell



Hallelujah

Holy spirit

Hallelujah

Bless this child

My mom thinks I’m a little slow

Treats me like I’m two years old



Ga ga goo goo me go poo poo in my pants

I fall down

I got a boo boo now

I blew a few lines of coke and I’m just now coming down

Mommy wow! I’m a big kid now


KLUTZ

I’m too loud to tiptoe around you

I’m too clumsy, I’ll break a few things along the way

I’m too dumb to bite my tongue but I’ve always been the stupid same

Did you not read through the fine print before you signed your name?



PACK RAT

This next one you can all relate to

You know which one I’m talking about

Oh, don’t give me that

We’re all guilty of being pack rats

Sing with me now



Shit, got a car full of shit

Shit, to fill up my basement

Shit I want

But nobody ever needs

Shit, got a car full of shit

Shit, it defines my existence

Shit I bought cuz I’m empty inside



I can’t hear you

What the hell was that?

You know you’re all hoarding, consuming fucking whores

So move those lips, come on motherfucker!



Got an attic full of shit

Got a garage full of shit

Got three storage units full of shit

I’m working my ass off to pay for it



All the trinkets I come home with

I still don’t even own a belt that properly fits

All the money I’ve thrown away

Could have saved a thousand families in Zimbabwe



Scooby Doo, where are you

Scooby Doo, I screwed the pooch



All the trinkets I come home with

I don’t have one pair of underwear without a hole in it

All the money I’ve thrown away

I could have purchased a mansion with an elegant mancave



DEAD WEIGHT

I swam to the top

But I sank to the bottom

Swallowed up like a minnow



KAPUT

Move it along people, nothing to see here



You better fucking remember me

I’m the anti-celebrity

Cutting room floor, B-side, rarity



I’d be a washed up has-been

Had I ever been anything at all

Sunny skies headed your way



In other news, a local loser was found dead

With an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head

And get this Nancy, in an apartment full of action figures

Wearing an outdated band shirt and a very old pair of sneakers

Ron, tell us more about that beautiful weekend weather


SWAN DIVE

It hit me hard today

All the things I stole have a price to pay

Like the wise men always say

Being a dick left a brick imprint on my face



Goodness gracious, somebody light a match

It’s getting awful smelly in here

I didn’t think my shit could stink

Never thought shit would hit the fan

I never even noticed it on my hands

This dookie is kooky

It’s kind of groovy, it’s kind of spooky



When life gives you lemons you make lemonade

When you fuck someone raw they can give you AIDS

Stay safe kids, people piss in that lemonade



Swan dived to the bottom

And I floated to the top

Got swept away in a billow



When you swim with the fish

You’re gonna get bit

Karma’s a bitch

You get what you give

You give what you get



THE END

The end of me

It's all over now

The end, thought I had everything but look at me now

The end, the past really stings when stung by the queen

The end, I had everything but nothing somehow




MORPHINE DRIP

My god, my god why hast thou forsaken me?

Forgive me, for I know not what I have done



I wrote it out, my last goodbyes

To the dirt on earth, I kissed the sky

There is no peace, my defense to offend

To stop this war, my hurt must end

I hide my secrets inside my mind

No one will know, with me they die



My head is soft, the ground is hard

Death is easy

Look down from the mountain

One leap and it’s done

The camera is rolling, the crucifix hung

This is my moment, my closeup, my fall

My legs are quivering, I don’t have the balls

Sorry to disappoint you folks, there’s no show to see

I’ll live and die like the rest of you in slow agony